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Copyright © 2008 Edward M. Baldwin

They need to know he’s no mere teacher. Their first two teachers—those they reportedly ran off after just six weeks of school, details not forthcoming—may have been ordinary teachers, but he’ll let these upstarts know from the very beginning, he’s not just a teacher. He’s a “retired” Professor of English Literature, with a Master’s degree to prove it.

Another glance at the clock—twelve minutes left.

How he wishes his planning period was in the middle of the day instead of the very first class period. An outrage, to be sure. After all, whoever heard of starting a game with the halftime? Who starts an opera or a play with the intermission? Ridiculous.

Mr. Gumble broods about his class schedule for only a few seconds more—at least, so it seems to him—but the bell rings anyway, and his heart lurches.

They’re coming.

He checks the top of his desk. It’s as neat as it was thirty minutes ago. Everything is in order. Not much to do on the first day, anyway. Just some get-to-knows and a preliminary assessment of their skills. His modified syllabus will suffice to make their acquaintance, and, as for their initial assessment, that’s already written on the board below his name: pages seventeen through twenty-two of their composition textbooks. Child’s play, even for them.

Abruptly, the door begins gushing students, and with them comes the noise. Loud, unrestrained, threatening noise. Instinctively, Mr. Gumble—no, “Professor” Gumble—fidgets to his feet and wonders why in the hell he’s so afraid. After all, he’s a veteran educator, for chrissakes. They’re just—kids.

The room becomes deafening as it fills to capacity. The professor grabs his syllabi, not knowing they’ll prove worthless. The students have already turned to their own internalized manual, which explains in chapter six how to deal with a third teacher. In fact, their curriculum was set long before Professor Gumble ever thought he’d lose his comfortable college gig.

“Okay, let’s take our seats, everyone,” he says nervously. His request is ignored, but the snickering, jeering, and laughter more than prove that he is indeed in their spotlight.